130 - *spoilers* Dialog

[matt]

This developer diary contains story spoilers for Neverending Nightmares, so don't watch it unless you played the 0.3 alpha build or don't care that there are story bits in it.

In this developer diary, I show a scene with temp VO and talk about what I was trying to accomplish with it, and what works and what doesn't.


After I recorded that video and before I uploaded it, I tweaked the script. I started a new thread here discussing the new script, but for reference, here's what I'm thinking:
Lydia: "You're still sleeping? You promised we'd meet for breakfast."
Adam: "Huh? Oh..."
Lydia: "Are you okay? You look upset."
Adam: "I just had a terrible nightmare. I dreamt you were dead."
She responds, "That's silly - I'm fine! Besides - you always promised you'd take care of your little sister."
Adam: "That was when we were kids."
Lydia: "It's still true, isn't it?
Adam: "Yeah."
Lydia: "Why don't you try to get back to sleep? I'll wait outside."

Thoughts and comments are always welcome!

[JPrice]

Always interesting to get an inside look on what you were trying to accomplish with the dialogue

Now that you've explained it, I do tend to agree that making the dialogue exchanges rather brief is a positive way to go. Makes sure that you don't get too much human interaction that would otherwise break you out of the lonely, depraved atmosphere that you're intending to achieve.

That said I think the addition of this:
Thomas: "Huh? Oh..."
Gabby: "Are you okay? You look upset."
Is a positive one, not too much dialogue to really add much to the conversation length and it makes the transition a little smoother.
(Also corrected your mistake of calling them "Adam" and "Lydia" in the transcript you posted underneath the video )

Actually you briefly touched on something I wanted to ask about but didn't really deem "Thread worthy". When you talked about the diverging paths and various endings I wanted to ask, how is the process for deciding which path to go on going to be set out? Like is it going to be a binary choice at certain points or will it just be a gradual thing that you don't notice happening until you beat the game? Was just curious is all! Maybe you haven't even gotten that far into developing it to know yourself hahaha

[matt]

Basically, it's going to be binary branches into completely different nightmares. I think the branches will feel a bit like unlocking secrets, but I am hopeful that the branching paths won't be so hard to find that everyone will basically get the same path on their first playthrough.

I imagine everyone who plays the alpha builds will though, since you already know what to expect. This path may be the one that most people find at first. I want the other paths to be pretty easy to find since there is going to be quite a bit of content there, but given that we aren't going to give dialog choices or things of that nature, I think the branches may be a bit harder to find than I would like, but we'll see.

If you want to get a better feel for how it'll work, take a look at the map:

[gagaplex]

I still have problems with this line especially:

She responds, "That's silly - I'm fine! Besides - you always promised you'd take care of your little sister."

I get that it's supposed to be stilted, but it's not just an odd conversation, it's exposition and too blatantly so for my taste.

If you want to make it clear that Gabby is/might be Thomas' sister, I'd opt for him to call her "sis'" or something at a convenient spot in the conversation, rather than her explaining that she is his sister.
I dunno, maybe we just disagree on this point, but even if I wanted to get the exposition across in addition to the family photo from level 1, I still wouldn't have the character herself state her own role.

A caveat to this: The psychiatrist-conversation later on is different in that regard. If we understand Gabby to be his sister, her then stating that, no, she's not his sister but his psychiatrist does flow better, because we're given new information and she's actually contradicting what Thomas says and breaks with what we thought was the case, rather than just giving exposition to him.

Exposition is always difficult to do, especially when it is directed towards a character who should already know this stuff. It's like in the movies, when some sci-fi general says to his soldiers (but, really, to the audience): "As you all know, the Flarglblargls have decimated Earth twenty years ago and we are here to drive them back now!"

[matt]

I think we fundamentally disagree on the purpose of the line. The MAIN thing I want to get across is not that she's his sister. The main purpose is laying on guilt. You promised to protect her, but it seems like you fail her repeatedly in that regard.

The alternative I can think of for the line is: "That's silly - I'm fine! Besides - you always promised you'd take care of me."

However, I don't think that seems as natural. Do you have siblings? Perhaps it's just me, but if I imagine my sister trying to say the same thing, I don't think she would just say "me". I think she would say "little sister". Technically, I'm the little brother, but my sister says things like, "You're my little bro. I have to look out for you!" (She does. )

To me being a sibling - especially a little sister - implies a stronger obligation to take care of her, which is what the line is supposed to imply. The fact that it is expository is a side effect.

Does that make sense? I realize you still probably don't like the line, but I can't think of a better way to say it that has the weight and sense of obligation than saying "You have to look out for your little sister". I am open to suggestions though!

[gagaplex]

I have a bigger brother, but we really only use each others' names, not "brother" or "bro" or whatever. It's kind of understood that we're brothers.
I dunno, it just seems odd and exposition-y to me, as I said.
But if I can think of an alternative that retains the "you're supposed to look out for me"-part in a different way, I'll definitely give it.

[Grabthehoopka]

What about something like "Big brothers always look after their little sisters!" or something like that?

[matt]

I wouldn't say that we often call each other bro or sis, but my sister does like to call me "baby bro" from time to time. I think we would use it to emphasize something about our relationship like in this case. I am more than willing to accept that maybe my sister and I are just weird.

I think "Big brothers always look after their little sisters!" gets rid of my favorite part of the line, which is "you always promised you'd take care of". To me, that heaps the guilt on. Not only are you supposed to look after your little sis due to familial obligations, but you promised (repeatedly!) to look after her.

I appreciate the suggestions though!

[RightClickSaveAs]

..."I dreamt you were dead."
"How could that happen when I've got my big brother to look after me! Remember how you promised you'd always be there to take care of me?" or "...be there to look out for me?" <- A little more wordy though, I know you didn't want that

OR

"You're silly! Nothing's going to happen to me as long as I've got you around!" <- Still keeping the guilt there I think?
"...got my big brother around! Remember your promise?"

Arghh writing dialogue is hard! Anyway just tossing those out there.

Also Matt! I'm not giving up on my idea for you to go full Lynch dream sequence and record all the dialogue backwards like that scene in Twin Peaks! (I'm only halfway kidding (no I'm totally kidding)(or am I? ))

[matt]

The secret to Twin Peaks is they spoke the words backwards and then played it forwards, so it sounded completely bizarre but was still understandable-ish. hahaha It is pretty awesome. I think I tried to do something like that for a Retro/Grade promo, and it is AMAZINGLY hard. I think i just gave up. haha